Minority Stress: The Exhaustion of Existing Through Hostility

If you’re someone who identifies as part of a minority, you might find yourself feeling emotionally, mentally, and physically fatigued. Exhausted though nothing is overtly wrong with your life.Constantly moving, improving, and working harder to carve out space for yourself.

Minority stress refers to the chronic, ongoing stress experienced by people who belong to marginalised groups, simply because of how society treats them. It can be exhausting to exist in a world that scrutinises, rejects, or persecutes one or more aspects of your identity. Minority stress isn’t just one bad day or experience, it’s an  accumulation of small, persistent pressures over time. It is incredibly real and a very common experience for queer people, people of colour, differently abled individuals, neurodiverse people, or anyone else who feels ‘othered’ by society.

It can look like:

• Struggling to navigate environments that may or may not be safe
• Being hypervigilant, self-conscious, or monitoring how much of yourself to reveal to others
• Anticipating rejection, judgment, or misunderstandings in social settings
• Enduring overt and subtle forms of discrimination (such as microagressions or offensive jokes)
• Being expected to conform to and be comfortable with heteronormative standards (gendered bathrooms, binary classification systems)
• Being forced to adapt to Eurocentric ideals (speaking English only, restrictions on cultural practices)
• Being subjected to stereotypes that feel dehumanising
• Having to laugh-off hurtful and harmful jokes to not appear ‘sensitive’

Why Minority Stress is Exhausting

Minority stress can take a toll on the individual experiencing it because it is tasking your nervous system with constantly being alert; like being switched on 24/7, with no opportunity to let your guard down. Danger can strike at any moment, so you expect it to because of the history of oppression and discrimination you have become familiar with.

You might find yourself:

• Nervously scanning rooms before you speak
• Editing aspects of your self to appear more ‘palatable’ (using different pronouns, trying to neutralise an accent, shifting your tone, dressing down to detract attention)
• Rehearsing defenses or explanations for yourself
• Feeling on edge every time conversation shifts to your religion/culture/relationship
• Downplaying aspects of who you are to ‘fit in’

Building a buffer around yourself so the world cannot hurt you, takes immense amounts of energy. Not to mention the mental and emotional fatigue that comes with not being able to fully embrace every aspect of your identity because the world simply does not make it easy. Over time, high levels of minority stress might manifest as chronic anxiety, low moods or emotional numbing, irritability and burnout, low self-esteem, and may even impact your overall satisfaction with life. This might also lead to feelings of shame, anger, and disappointment with yourself.

This probably seems like an overaction right? No one has directly been homophobic or racist or ableist towards you. Your workplace/school are all about diversity, acceptance, and equality. There is no active threat at the moment. You’re safe. However, the body doesn’t just respond to present safety. It also responds to history, patterns, and eventualities. It remembers past experiences of being rejected, ridiculed, or excluded and teaches your nervous system to stay prepared, in case it happens again. Your body is working overtime to protect you, and because of this, rest can often be very difficult.

Rest can feel like  a luxury reserved for those who do not need to work this hard at existing. When you’re experiencing minority stress, you might feel like there’s always more you can do to be accepted, liked, or taken seriously. Even in situations that should invite rest and relaxation, you struggle to switch off.

How To Cope With Minority Stress:

Minority stress isn’t something you can easily resolve, because its existence is rooted in systemic discrimination and intolerance. A four-step plan isn’t going to completely eradicate your ability to perceive the inequality around you, but there are definitely ways for you to manage the impact of it:

• Understand the problem – by understanding what Minority Stress is, why it exists, and how it may impact you, you can begin to understand how normal and valid your feelings are. This could also reduce your self-blame, shame, and guilt through recognising that none of this is your fault.

• Form safe relationships: Try and connect with people who get it and create communities or safe spaces where you don’t have to explain, translate, or justify who you are. This could be family, friends, mentors, religious groups, queer-affirming support groups, or a therapist.

• Try to Set Boundaries: This may be easier said than done, but remember that who you are does not have to be accessible to everyone. If someone makes you feel uncomfortable, on edge, or offended, you are within your right to restrict contact with them. If it is someone you cannot avoid (e.g. work colleague) then attempt to set boundaries that make you feel safer (e.g. only interacting for professional reasons).
• Give yourself grace: You’re allowed to be exhausted, angry, frustrated, and defeated. You’re allowed to feel hurt by the state of the world. All your feelings are valid and should be expressed healthily, and all your responses to them should be acknowledged for their attempts at protecting you. Give yourself permission to feel, understand, and explore the full spectrum of your emotion.

• Reach out for help: Therapy can be an amazing tool for helping you manage stress, understand and explore your identity, develop more self-compassion, and express internalised emotions in a safe environment. Working with a  therapist that aligns to your values, accepts, and affirms you can be very beneficial to your personal growth.

Lastly, remember that you’re doing the best you can with what has been unfairly handed to you. You’re incredibly strong for carrying the weight of past experiences and histories. But remember that you need not carry anything alone. Please feel free to request a therapy session as we are here to listen, support, and accept you for exactly who you are.