Toxic Parents

We all come from somewhere. Every adult was once a child. The relationships we have in our childhood will impact who we are and our relationships in later life. For many, the parent-child relationship may be based on unconditional care and love, with few significant difficulties. There will always be issues, but here, I refer to issues that can have a lasting and significantly negative impact on a child.

It is natural for children and parents to disagree. It is natural for children and parents to have conflict. We usually find where the boundary is by crossing it. No parent nor environment is ‘perfect’ and that is completely normal. ‘Perfect’ parenting is not what is best nor required for optimal child development.

There are however, some parenting patterns that can have a significantly negative impact on a child and subsequently, the adult that child may grow up to be. To skip a whole lot of jargon, Dr Susan Forward brilliantly describes six types of parents that often lead to difficulties in life. She refers to:

The Inadequate Parents:  
These parents turn their children into little-adults who take care of their parents.

The Controllers:
These parents use manipulation and guilt to control their children’s lives.

The Alcoholics:
Children often suffer due to the unpredictable behaviour of a parent using substances. These parents are unable to fulfil the needs of                                        parenting due to being intoxicated often.

The Verbal Abusers:
Significant verbal abuse can have an impact on their children’s confidence, self-esteem and belief in themselves.

The Physical and Sexual Abusers:
This type of trauma can have hugely significant impact on a child’s life and the adult they become.

Dr Forward’s book, Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life, is beautifully written and full of examples. I have heard people say that they thought Dr Forward was describing their parents. I would highly recommend her book.

Should this sound like something you would like to explore, I am available at Thrive Psychology.

• Steve