The Stories We Tell Ourselves

“We are, as a species, addicted to story. Even when the body goes to sleep, the mind stays up all night, telling itself stories.” (Gottschall, 2012, p. xiv)

We all tell stories. Stories about ourselves, others, events…

If we see someone buying flowers, we may imagine that someone is going on a date, or apologising to someone, or its someone’s birthday. We see something and we create a story from it.

When we are not creating stories, we may indulge in watching stories on tv or reading fictive or non-fictive stories. Even when watching sports, there is a story about the individual or team playing, as well as a specific story about the current game or match being played. The story comes to a climax with one team triumphantly winning over another. There is a story in both the winning and losing.

Stories are universal. We, as humans, have been telling stories for thousands of years. Even before we could print these stories – they were handed down through myths, legends, and even cave paintings.

Imagine your story. It develops throughout your life. One’s experiences, family, culture, expectations, specific events – and much more – shape and mould one’s narrative. Each new experience is added to your story or narrative. Some of these cause dramatic changes, whilst other experiences may cause little impact.

Those who have studied film/literature or narrative know that stories often follow certain common factors or structures.

Narrative psychology suggests we make sense of our lives by organising them into stories. We are not just biological or behavioural beings; we are meaning-making beings. In other words, we each have a story we tell ourselves about ourselves. These stories are constantly in flux and never finished. They evolve with each experience we have. We also create stories about things or events around us. For example, we may blame Murphey’s Law for something bad that happens. Or perhaps we assign blame to a ‘villain’. This villain may be a person, company, bank, organisation, or even an inanimate object such as a laptop not listening to us.

Narratives or stories can be used in psychotherapy. We can work on understanding and accepting preceding chapters, changing our current stories, and/or changing the end destination of a story. Narrative psychology uses less medical/psychiatric language and focuses more on one’s lived experience.

I personally love narratives. I watch movies and read books. I see characters develop. I see different plots unfold. I become completely sucked into the story. Whether it is Don Corleone, Batman or The Springboks. I also take stories very seriously. I mean, to be entrusted with someone’s story is a very special thing. A person’s story must be treated with the respect and confidentiality it deserves. Should you wish to make an appointment, I am available at Thrive Psychology.

            -Steven

References:

Gottschall, J. (2012). The storytelling animal: How stories make us human. Houghton Mifflin Harcourt.

Polkinghorne, D. E. (1988). Narrative knowing and the human sciences. State University of New York Press.