The Hidden Stories We Tell Ourselves About Money: Understanding Money Scripts

Money is one of those topics that seems practical on the surface—budgets, bills, savings, and spending. Yet for most of us, money carries a powerful emotional charge. It can trigger stress, conflict, shame, or even guilt. Why? Because our relationship with money isn’t just about numbers; it’s about stories.

These unconscious stories, known as money scripts, often shape the way we earn, spend, save, and share—sometimes in helpful ways, but often in ways that hold us back.

What Are Money Scripts?

The term ‘money scripts’ was coined by financial psychologists Brad Klontz and Ted Klontz. They describe money scripts as the deeply ingrained beliefs about money that we develop in childhood, often before the age of 10. These beliefs are usually handed down—directly or indirectly—from our parents, caregivers, culture, or early experiences with scarcity or abundance.

For example:

• Growing up hearing “Money doesn’t grow on trees” might instil a scarcity mindset.
• Watching parents fight about finances might make you anxious about spending.
• Being rewarded with gifts could teach you that money equals love.

Most of these scripts operate outside of conscious awareness. They feel “true”, but they don’t always reflect reality—or serve us well in adult life.

The Four Common Money Scripts

While everyone’s relationship with money is unique, Klontz and Klontz’s research has identified four broad categories of money scripts:

Money Avoidance

Belief: “Money is bad,” or “I don’t deserve wealth.”

Behaviours: Avoiding looking at bank accounts, under-earning, giving away money impulsively.

Money Worship

Belief: “More money will solve my problems.”

Behaviours: Overspending, compulsive working, sacrificing health or relationships in pursuit of wealth.

Money Status

Belief: “My self-worth equals my net worth.”

Behaviours: Using money to show off, overspending on luxury, comparing oneself to others.

Money Vigilance

Belief: “You must work hard for money, and you should always save.”

Behaviours: Frugality, high saving rates, reluctance to spend—even when it would improve quality of life.

How Money Scripts Affect Relationships

Money scripts don’t just influence our private financial choices—they play out in relationships too. All couples at some stage have a “money conversation”. It is a difficult and anxiety provoking conversation for numerous reasons. Couples could discover that they inherited very different money stories, leading to misunderstandings or conflict.

For example:

• A “money vigilant” partner might see saving as responsible, while a “money status” partner sees spending as a way of creating joy.
• Someone with “money avoidance” may resist talking about finances altogether, frustrating a partner who craves transparency.

The money conversation is a discussion couples often try to avoid. Unfortunately, it is an important conversation to have.

Concluding Thoughts

The good news is that money scripts aren’t destiny. They can be modified and/or changed into new money narratives. Money isn’t just about numbers—it’s about meaning, identity, and relationships. So when we change our money story, we often find we can also change our life story.

If you would like to learn more in order to Thrive, I highly recommend the book Mind Over Money by Klontz and Klontz. As always, I am at Thrive Psychology.

• Steve

References:

Klontz, B., & Klontz, T. (2009). Mind over money: Overcoming the money disorders that threaten our financial health. New York: Crown Business

Klontz, B. T., Britt, S. L., & Archuleta, K. L. (2015). Financial therapy: Theory, research, and practice. Springer International Publishing.