Is My Child Being Bullied? Sings to Look For and What Parents Can Do

Bullying is often thought of as playground teasing or rough playtime conflicts, but it can take many forms. Some forms are overt, while others are much more subtle. Whether it happens in person or online, bullying can deeply affect a child or teen’s sense of self, safety, and belonging.

As caregivers, we want to protect our children from harm, but sometimes, the most painful experiences go unnoticed. Many children and teens don’t tell their parents when they’re being bullied, which makes it all the more important to know what to look out for and how to respond with care.

What is Bullying?

At its core, bullying is repeated, intentional behaviour that aims to hurt, intimidate, or exclude another person. It can be physical (hitting, pushing), verbal (name-calling, threats), social (spreading rumours, exclusion), or digital (cyberbullying through social media, messaging apps, or games).

Unlike occasional conflict between peers, which is a normal experience, bullying involves a power imbalance. That power may come from physical strength, social status, or access to personal information.

How Common is Bullying?

Bullying is, unfortunately, very common. Global statistics estimate that one in three children experience bullying at some point during their school years. In South Africa, studies suggest that these rates may be even higher, with reports of both physical aggression and cyberbullying on the rise.

While schools and communities are becoming more aware of the issue, many children still suffer in silence.

Why Children Don’t Always Speak Up

There are many reasons why a child might not tell a parent or caregiver they’re being bullied:

  • Fear of retaliation or that the bullying will get worse
  • Shame or embarrassment
  • Belief that adults won’t do anything or will overreact
  • Worry about upsetting their parents
  • A sense of helplessness or the belief that they “should” handle it on their own

Because of this, we can’t always wait for a child to speak. We need to stay attuned to what their behaviour might be communicating.

Signs to Watch For

Children and teens who are being bullied might show changes in behaviour, mood, or daily functioning. Some signs to look out for include:

  • Avoiding school or making excuses not to go
  • Sudden drop in academic performance
  • Unexplained injuries or damaged belongings
  • Changes in appetite or sleep
  • Frequent headaches, stomach aches, or vague physical complaints
  • Moodiness, irritability, or tearfulness
  • Withdrawal from friends or usual activities
  • Low self-esteem or self-critical talk
  • Increased use of devices or sudden refusal to use them

No single sign confirms bullying, but if you notice a combination or feel something is “off,” it’s worth paying attention.

How to Support a Child or Teen Who May Be Experiencing Bullying

1. Create Safe Space for Conversation
Let your child know you’re available to talk openly and that they won’t get in trouble or be judged for anything they share. Sometimes indirect approaches work better: “I’ve been reading about how hard school can be sometimes. Have you ever seen children being treated unfairly?”

2. Stay Calm and Curious
It can be hard to hear that your child is being hurt, but responding with anger or panic can make them shut down. Focus on listening. Validate their feelings, even if you don’t have all the details yet.

3. Empower, Don’t Blame
Avoid asking questions that might feel accusatory, like “Why didn’t you stand up for yourself?” or “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” Instead, try “That must’ve felt really hard. I’m glad you told me now.”

4. Document and Monitor
Keep a record of incidents and dates if the bullying is ongoing. If it’s happening at school, make contact with a teacher, so you can work in a collaborative way to support your child (and even the child doing the bullying).

5. Involve the Right People
Sometimes bullying is part of a larger systemic issue in the school environment. Don’t be afraid to advocate for your child. Do so respectfully yet firmly, keeping the focus on your child’s well-being. Encourage the school to take steps that prioritise safety and accountability.

6. Build Coping Tools
Support your child’s self-esteem and sense of agency. Whether through therapy, supportive friendships, hobbies, or involvement in clubs or activities, help them reconnect with spaces where they feel seen, capable, and valued.

7. Don’t Hesitate to Seek Professional Help
Bullying can have lasting emotional effects, including anxiety, depression, and even trauma responses. Speaking to a psychologist can provide children (and parents) a space to process the experience and rebuild emotional safety.

What If My Child Is the One Doing the Bullying?

It can be deeply unsettling for a parent to find out that their child may be bullying others. But this isn’t a sign that you’ve failed in some way, but rather, it’s a moment to pause and help your child reflect, grow, and take responsibility in meaningful ways.

Children may engage in bullying for a variety of reasons:

  • Difficulty regulating emotions
  • Trying to gain social status or approval
  • Repeating behaviour they’ve seen modelled by others
  • Coping with insecurity, stress, or powerlessness elsewhere in their lives
  • Struggling with empathy or impulse control

Here’s how you can support your child:

  • Stay calm and open. Your child may feel defensive or ashamed, and big reactions can shut down communication.
  • Have honest, non-judgmental conversations that explore what’s going on beneath the behaviour.
  • Make it clear that bullying is never acceptable, while affirming your child’s ability to make better choices.
  • Guide them toward accountability, which might include offering sincere apologies, taking steps to repair harm, or understanding the impact of their actions.
  • Work with the school or relevant adults to ensure consequences are fair and supportive.
  • Seek professional help if the behaviour is persistent or seems linked to deeper emotional or relational struggles.

Addressing bullying behaviour with warmth and boundaries gives your child a powerful opportunity to grow into someone who leads with empathy rather than control.

Final Thoughts

Children and teens who are bullied often carry more than bruises. They carry fear, loneliness, and the silent belief that something is wrong with them. At the same time, children who bully are often struggling in ways that deserve care and firm guidance.

As parents and caregivers, we don’t always have the power to stop harm before it happens, but we can help children feel safe enough to talk, strong enough to ask for help, and supported enough to find a healthier way forward.