A Series on Parenting and Special Educational Needs: The Power of Language
“Just some understanding. Just some understanding!”
This simple yet powerful plea, from Valerie (a parent of an Autistic child) resonates deeply with me, both as an Educational Psychologist, and as someone who has worked closely with caregivers navigating the challenges of Special Educational Needs (SEN). I became curious about caregivers’ experiences of parenting children who are differently abled, and how they coped and what support they felt they needed, especially during the pandemic. In my research, there was an overwhelming response by caregivers regarding the use of language and how it can perpetuate stigma and discrimination, both for themselves as parents, and for their children. Many caregivers expressed how language, and labels, impacted their experiences, often exacerbating feelings of frustration and isolation.
In this blog post, I want to explore how the labels we choose can either help or hinder neurodiverse children and their families. While labels can provide clarity, access to resources, and validation, they can also limit potential, perpetuate stereotypes, and create divisions. The language and views we have around differences, can influence a child’s future in many ways – especially how children view themselves and the impact this has on their self-concept and development.
The Role of Labels in Education and Support
Labels, while they can offer clarity and access to resources, can also unintentionally reinforce stigma, creating a balance that families must navigate. In this section, I’ll briefly explore both the empowering and limiting effects of labels.
With that said, in my work with both children who are differently-abled and their families, I have seen how essential certain labels are in opening doors to much-needed support – whether that comes in the form of individualised educational plans or other accommodations. Labels such as “special needs” or “neurodiverse” can be empowering for families, allowing them to seek the right services for their children and themselves.
However, the caregivers in my research also expressed frustration with how these terms can separate their children from others. As Olivia (a parent with a child who has Dyslexia, ADHD and a physical impairment) shared, “If you had a bit more understanding and a bit more awareness of differences, you wouldn’t be doing that”. The way others treat their children often reflects a lack of nuance or understanding of what these labels, or differences, really mean. This can create the unhelpful “us vs them” mentality, where children who are differently abled are treated as fundamentally different, rather than as individuals with unique strengths and challenges. It is time to break down those barriers and focus on the individual, not the label.
For example, while a diagnosis of a specific learning disorder, such as Dyslexia, can allow children to receive the appropriate support, it can also sometimes lead to others’ underestimating the child’s capabilities. These types of experiences have shaped my belief that labels should guide support, not define potential.
“Neurodiversity” vs. “Disability” vs. “Special Needs”
The terms we use matter, and the language parents adopt can shape not only how others view their children but how the children see themselves.
In my research many caregivers expressed a desire for broader societal understanding of terms such as “neurodiverse” as a way to celebrate differences, rather than pathologise them. As Zee (a parent of child with ADHD and a Specific Learning Disorder) put it: “There’s still a lot of people in denial about their child’s developmental delay and challenges”, reflecting how misunderstanding and stigma can even impact those closest to the child.
By embracing a more neurodiversity-affirming perspective, parents can empower their children to see their differences, not as deficits, but as variations of human experience. This shift in perspective can help children grow with a strong sense of self and a more positive identity, reducing the harm that comes with being labelled as “less than” or “delayed”.
The Impact of Language on Identity
Labels carry immense weight in shaping a child’s sense of self. For example, one child diagnosed with a ‘specific learning disability’ may begin to withdraw in class, feeling like they’re falling behind their peers and internalising a belief that they aren’t ‘good enough’, and may struggle with feelings of inadequacy. Meanwhile, in a different environment, another child with the same diagnosis might thrive because their teachers focus on their unique learning style, offering support that emphasizes their strengths rather than their deficits.
One caregiver in my study shared how her son’s intelligence is often underestimated because of his physical disability. She said, “They see my child’s physical disability and speak to him like he’s dumb. But he’s bright. He’s going to give it back”. This highlights how the labels we assign, or how society views such labels, can deeply affect a child’s sense of capability. The way children make sense of these comments and what they internalise can significantly impact their self-esteem and self-concept.
How Parents Can Navigate Labels with Sensitivity:
As a psychologist, I often work with parents on how to reframe their language in a way that empowers rather than limits their children. For example, rather than seeing a diagnosis as a “problem”, or in some cases, as a “failure” of the parents in some way, we can view the diagnosis as a different way of thinking. Parents can emphasise their child’s strengths. This shift in language can build self-esteem and help children see their differences as something to be celebrated, not hidden or stigmatised.
In my research, caregivers like Emma (a parent of a child with Global Developmental Delay), says there needs to be more advocating for education and awareness: “To get the word out there about how different children react to different situations”. This highlights the need for greater societal understanding of diverse developmental paths.
The Role of Society and Community in Labelling
One of the key lessons I took from my research was that much of the emotional burden for parents appeared to come from society’s often limited understanding and preconceived ideas of difference. Caregivers like Emma, expressed frustration when others judged her child’s behaviour, mistaking a meltdown for naughtiness rather than recognising it as sensory overload. In moments like this, the label attached to the child matters immensely – it can shape how they are treated by others.
Caregivers in my research wished for more awareness and inclusivity in society, echoing the need for advocacy. Kyla (a parent of an Autistic child), shared, “There needs to be a lot more awareness and education about special needs”. This is a call to action for all of us, to challenge negative stereotypes and create environments where labels do not limit opportunity but instead open doors for growth and understanding.
Advocacy plays a crucial role in supporting both neurodiverse children and their parents. Many caregivers find themselves becoming advocates, not out of choice but necessity, as they navigate societal misunderstandings and stigmas surrounding their children’s differences. By advocating for greater awareness and inclusive language, parents not only open doors for their children but also create a more understanding and supportive environment for themselves. When neurodiverse children are accepted and supported, it reduces the emotional burden on parents, fostering a positive cycle where both child and parent are better cared for. Advocacy, therefore, becomes a key aspect of the support network that parents need to thrive.
Acknowledgment: A big thank you to the caregivers who so graciously shared their experiences and viewpoints with me. Your courage and trust in allowing me to share your voices on this platform is deeply appreciated.
Final Thoughts
As both a professional and an advocate, I have seen the power language holds. Labels, when used thoughtfully, can open doors to support and connection. But when used carelessly, they can confine and stigmatise. It’s up to all of us, such as parents, teachers, and community members, to ensure that the words we use empower rather than limit. By fostering more inclusive, affirming environments, we can help children grow into confident, self-assured individuals, embracing their differences as strengths rather than deficits. Notably, this is not to say that difficulties are not present or are denied, but rather, we understand difficulties and needs within a broader context.
We can start by making space for more inclusive language in our schools, workplaces, and communities. Education and advocacy are key. Parents, teachers, and community members alike need to help foster environments where neurodiverse children and their families are supported and understood. As Zee pointed out, caregivers often desire a space to connect without judgment, and our language can help foster that space.
Ultimately, we need to see children as whole people, beyond any label they may carry, and acknowledge that every child, no matter their label, is unique, valuable and worthy of understanding. It is our collective responsibility to ensure that every child is seen, understood, and supported as the unique individual that they are.